Here I am sitting outside on the patio of our beach condo and it’s after midnight. Everyone has been asleep for awhile. I’ve been sitting out here for hours just listening to the peaceful sound of the waves crashing in the background. Thinking. Praying. Crying. It’s strange how the sound of crashing waves can heal your soul…if only for a little while. It was here in that moment that I found peace.
Getting away for a few days healed my soul and sparked new plans and dreams. Right now in the midst of heartbreak, I’m trying to think about all the things that I love and that makes me happy. To enjoy being with my family and my hubby and take in all the memories made on this family vacation.
I thought about my word of the year: courage. When I picked my word for the year, I had no idea how much courage I would actually need this year. God did. He gave me the word courage to hold near and to draw closer to Him. He knew what was to come and that I’d need a whole lot of courage. Read more about my word of the year HERE. I’m praying for unwavering courage and peace. The courage and strength to face the overwhelming anxiety and fear that I’ve been carrying. Praying for God’s peace to cover me when I become overwhelmed. Praying for understanding and wisdom.
My heart is still broken but my heart won’t give up. You can read more about my broken heart HERE. When you don’t have closure, it’s hard to move on. The unknown is the worst part. You feel stuck. You worry. You don’t know how to move on. You want answers. You’re angry. You don’t know how to make sense of all the feelings swirling in your head. So. Many. Thoughts.
You have to keep doing life and that’s the hardest part of all. You still have to cook supper, clean the house, go to work, take care of the pets. Then boom! All of a sudden a memory hits you and you can’t breathe, your heart stops for a moment and the tears come. Pain comes out of nowhere from the simplest thing: a song, a place or even a memory. You can’t help but cry again…or maybe you’ve cried so much you can’t cry anymore. But then you smile and remember the laughter and joy and find peace in that memory, even if it’s painful for the moment. You cling to the memories, because for now, it’s all you have.
Life goes on…and it has to go on, but your heart is stuck and doesn’t know how to feel. Through it all though, you try to make sense of it. I feel like all of you can relate to this feeling somehow because we all face hard and painful seasons in life. Whether it’s struggling with a medical diagnosis, the loss of a loved one, miscarriage or infertility, dealing with a terminally ill parent, stress at school, or finding that dream job… we all face difficult times in life. It’s in those times that you need to just give it to God and lean into Him to guide and direct you through it. God will give you the strength you need and you will rise through it to see the beauty ahead. Let Him mold you and shape you into what He has called you to do.
So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. 1 Peter 1:6
I don’t know what will happen an hour from now or tomorrow or the next day but God does. He knows exactly what will happen in my life and He knows what the future holds for you, too sweet friends. He wants us to pray and draw closer to Him during the difficult times and the happy times.
I believe dreams are seeds that God plants in your heart and it’s up to you to listen to Him. New dreams for the blog were sparked in the early morning hours at the beach, too. The direction I want it to grow in and the changes I plan to implement along the way. I have some big dreams for this little ol’ blog, and I can’t wait to see where it goes. I hope you’ll follow along. Lots of new plans and ideas are swirling in my head for sweet Southern Oaks.
I’m leaving the beach with new dreams and goals. With new found strength, courage and determination. I found peace at the beach and I’m thankful for God’s peace and His grace.
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